A little dust in the air!

April 8

And so it begins!...It's nearly 5 weeks later than usual, but Dennis and Jon got some tractor time in today.  Round Up application on the dryest field they could find marked the official start of spring work. Hopefully Mother Nature will get the memo and cooperate!

A Delayed April Fools?

We awoke to a (forecasted) skiff of snow this morning.  I love living in the Palouse beacuase we (usually!) get to experience and appreciate each of the four seasons, but winter seems to be hogging things this year! 

My daffodils just worked up the courage to bloom in this cold weather, now they're regretting it, I'm sure! 

My cold, cold bleeding heart!

The BBQ could now double as a cooler!

Ready to roll if the weather would cooperate!

It's not uncommon to be annoyed er--- awoken by a spray plane this time of year. What IS uncommon, are the snow-covered hills he's flying over! We are about a month behind on fieldwork, they haven't been able to get out there at all so when they can, it will be a 24/7 operation. Unfortunately, this recent storm is actually the calm before the storm! 

Brothers

At the end of a fun afternoon with friends, I thought I would blog about the laughs and the shopping at Hurd's~ we found some wonderful things, left with wish lists a mile long, and even found some inspration for projects we'd like to try ourselves.  But, as I sat down with my laptop and looked across the room, I saw something that trumped it all...

Tyler is on the couch, sporting his usual evening attire of a t-shirt that he has cut the sleeves off of and a large pair of basketball shorts.  His hair is still wet from the shower and he's periodically texting someone.  Snuggled up beside him, under his arm, is his littlest brother.  He's lovingly patting Kacy's arm and whispering to him about someting and Kacy is loving the attention.  It's these moments that I cherish most.  Having Kacy as a little brother isn't easy and the boys have each gone through different stages of accepting the reality, however, they have always loved him unconditionally.  It makes me realize that being a brother is even better than being a superhero.

NaBloPoMo Prompt: What are you waiting for right now?

There are a million ways I could answer this.... but I JUST ordered the cutest camera bag I've ever seen and so I will go with "Today, I'm waiting for my camera bag!" 

Since getting my camera a couple of years ago, I've been searching for the "perfect bag".  I've been keeping my eyes peeled for one that meets some very specific criteria: 

•  It has to hold the camera, a lens or two, and my flash.
•  It has to be a cross-body bag or at least have that be an option.
•  It has to be able to hold more than just my camera and supplies-- at least my wallet, sunglasses, Blistex, and a small container of Tylenol.
• It has to be cute!

This morning, while perusing some photography blogs, I accidentally stumbled across several  bags that would fit the bill.  Since the boys and I are heading to DC in June, I figured I may as well bite the bullet and go for it.  So the winner is....

THE LOLA BAG BY EPIPHANIE! 

Check this bag out-- how perfect is it?!  I'm so excited!  Can't wait for it to come! And yes, I got it in RED! 

School Supply Shopping!

I am a sucker for school and office supplies! It's probably part of the reason I became a teacher! Things have come a long way since the PeeChee, retractable 4-color ballpoint pens, and the Trapper Keeper! The rainbow of colors and patterns that tempt me seem to change every time I stop at Office Depot, Staples, or the office supply section of Wal-Mart! Today, I hit the motherload! I had a discount coupon to use and other than some gel pens for correcting papers, there wasn't much on my list! However, I wasn't very far beyond the automatic doors when I saw the dollar bins overflowing with pens, pencils, white-out tape, file folders, etc., etc.! I quickly grabbed a carry basket and limited myself to what I could fit in it. This late in the school year, I will likely not break the seal on most of these items, but I will be prepared for next year! Yes... it's an addiction. But there are worse things to be addicted to, right?!

A Rake, A Steak & A Cake

Today was delightful! The sun was shining and everyone was healthy and happily enjoying day 2 of Spring Vacation! We started the day at church and enjoyed Pastor's sermon. Dennis, Brett & Uncle Jon made a trip to Central Ferry with some equipment we've sold and they brought back a load of fertilizer. If it ever dries out, they can use it! ha! (actually... that's not so funny!) Dennis and I ran to Pullman to buy new patio chairs for the BIG table he's making me (yay!) and I drove his new pick-up for the first time! Haven't driven a stick shift in about 10 years-- but I did fine! (Whew!)

The weather warmed up a bit this afternoon and allowed us to work in the yard for a couple of hours. I cheerfully announced to the boys, "Get dressed! It's family-yard-clean-up!" They didn't exactly jump for joy like they did when they were toddlers- but they realize now, that many hands make light work, and they participated willingly! Twigs, leaves and pinecones were raked up and hauled off to the burn pile. Their reward was our first BBQ steak of the spring and, mmm.... it was delicious! Angel food cake, fresh strawberries & whipped cream finished off the evening! It was the kind of afternoon that made us all long for summer~ and all it took was a rake, a steak, and a cake!

Eggstra Eggs!

I made a trip to Costco today. The cupboards were so bare that the kids were eating cans of olives! My list was long because in addition to "the usuals," I was also picking up quite a few "extras." The boys are home this week, thanks to Spring Vacation, and that means there will be constant grazing between meals for the next 8 days. I love growing boys-- but they sure do eat A LOT! Anyway.... I was in the dairy section at Costco, debating over whether to pick up one or two cartons of 18-count eggs. I am planning on doing a lot of baking this week, hard-boiled eggs are a great high-protein, diet-friendly snack for myself and the boys, too, and if all goes according to plan- I will be serving up a hot breakfast each morning since we aren't rushing out the door to school. The decision consumed a good five minutes of my shopping experience, until I finally realized there was barely room in my cart to keep one carton safe, let alone two! It was a good decision because when I got home, Dennis greeted me at the door saying, "I hope you didn't buy eggs?" I assumed that he had found an extra carton or two in the garage fridge~ it's not uncommon for me to forget about the items I stash out there and this wouldn't be the first time I added an item to an abundant supply. But that's not what he was referring to. He'd been watching the hen house closely this week, and today, he was surprised to find the treasure of 21 eggs! We now have 39 eggs in our refrigerator with more on the way, of course! Looks like I'll be searching for "egg recipes" and in the meantime, baking angel food cakes, making omelets, scrambled eggs, poached eggs, creamed eggs....

WHAT ARE YOU READY TO LET GO OF?

This is an easy prompt to answer and to start this blogging project.... THESE LAST 25 POUNDS!!! Yes-- I have a 20 year reunion and a trip to DC in June and I want to be 25 pounds lighter by that time! Over a year ago, I started dieting. I lost 40 but have gained back 10 and take complete ownership of those 10 pounds! I have thrown all self-discipline out the window, been in "survival mode" and am finally at the point I can get serious again! I'll do it, too-- just wait! :)

Welcome to NaBloPoMo!

I'm failing miserably at meeting my resolution to blog on a weekly basis. SO... after following a friend who joined "NaBloPoMo" and posted everyday for an entire month (!!), I thought, "Ok... I should really give this a try!" So here I am. Oh- and by the way, "NaBloPoMo" stands for National Blog Posting Month... which really isn't a particular month~ it's every month! The best part is, they give me a PROMPT! And the prompt for April first is....

Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

... the view from my living room this evening. beautiful.

What to do when my best isn't good enough?

As I've said... I just write what is on my mind. Tonight, my mind is tired. My heart is heavy. I feel overwhelmed. I'm writing to try and figure out for myself what to do when my best just isn't good enough?

This school year has kicked me in the rear. Honestly, I am not qualified to be teaching reading to 6,7 & 8 graders-- and I apoloigze to any parents of my students who may stumble across this. But it isn't a secret- my teaching qualifications are public knowledge. My certificates read: K-8 general education, K-12 special education, MA of curriculum and instruction, and "professional teacher." There is no reading endorsement anywhere. Thanks to the "highly qualified teacher" requirement put into place by our state government, however, I am considered "highly qualified" because I've taught this subject matter for enough years. Nevermind I have only taught 6th grade language arts for 5 years and nevermind the fact the 6th grade, 11 year old brain is much less developed than the 8th grade, 14 year old brain. (Ugh!) Therefore, I am engaged in a constant struggle to stay a half a step ahead of my seventh and eighth graders. I'm staying up past midnight and dragging myself out of bed at 4:45 and still getting to school late. I'm planning parts of my day on my drive to work each morning. When I focus on planning and preparing lessons, my weekly 150-300 papers get set aside. When I concentrate on grading those papers, my lesson planning and prep gets set aside. I have parents calling my principal complaining that I don't post enough grades and I need to post more frequently. Sad thing is, I get it. It's true. I should be grading more and posting more frequently. It's just that I'm doing the best I can and it's obvioulsy not enough. Honestly, I'm completely tapped out and we haven't even reached semester yet. I cannot imagine continuing this pace for 5 more months. And, on top of all this, I am lacking motivation, focus and inspiration. I'm just tired. So... I'm going to fess up to my principal tomorrow. I hate admitting weakness, but more so, I hate performing poorly-- so I think it's time. I don't know what I expect him to say- I'm not looking for a pep talk and I certainly don't have a "plan" for him to consider. I have no expectation other than sitting down and letting him know how I'm feeling, promising to continue to work hard, then leaving his office with my tail between my legs.

Tonight, I have an 8 year old who is sick but will love spending tomorrow with his grandma while I go to work and leave my heart at home with him. An 8 year old who needs more from me than I am able to give him-- I should be taking him swimming, taking him to additional therapy appointments. -Putting his needs before my job. I have an 11 year old who, I truly believe, suffers from bouts of depression. As much as I try not to have it be the case... he seems to feel like the "forgotten child"-- nestled between the big, strong, athletic first-born and the heart-stealing, attention demanding, disbled youngest brother. He even takes a back seat to his only girl cousin on the Kincaid side and be held in constant comparison to her older brother- who seems to always have the cards fall his direction. If I had a dollar for every tear he's shed over a bruised spirit... And my 12 year old, who is only 48 hours away from becomig a teenager, told me tonight he doesn't want to celebrate his 13th birthday with friends because he doesn't feel like he has any right now. He feels alienated. He feels alone. He is being treated poorly by those he once considered his best friends and he even wants to quit basketball. There's nothing I can say that is making his heart hurt less. My husband went to bed without me, again, because I had 65 worksheets with comprehension questions requiring "claim support" to correct and grade by tomorrow. Until these last few months, we would always turn in together and fall asleep to the 11 o'clock news. It's amazing how much just a few minutes at the end of a busy day can keep us remembering why we got married in the first place. It's a ritual we both miss, and the absense of it is taking a toll.

So, if you're still reading, know that I didn't post this hoping to recieve a bunch of inspirational, pat-on-the back comments or emails. I didn't post this to whine and complain. ...At least I don't think of "venting" as whining and complaining, necessarily. I mean, you're reading this by choice-- I'm not holding you captive on the phone or in the cereal aisle of the grocery store. This post was just for me to try and figure out what to do now. I can't say that it's instantly helped me to write it out, but it has calmed me down enough I may be able to sleep tonight. I know I need to pray, and I have been. I know I'm not alone in this. I know I should be thankful that my neice didn't just turn up dead in her dorm room or my husband die in an avalanche. I know all that. It's just that knowing it isn't helping me feel any more excited or prepared to face the 130+ students that will be coming through my classroom door tomorrow. I used to love my job. I want that back. Not too long ago, my "best" was good enough for me, for my students and their parents, for my children, and for my husband. But it's not anymore. Ugh. -So what does that mean for me now??

Chores....

I just love this kid and I love this picture. The boys love going with their dad. They aren't afraid of work or chores, and today, Brett got a lesson on defrosting the chicken water. One is suppose to be able to plug it in and not worry about the risk of freezing, but the darn thing doesn't seem to work. So... our below freezing temps have made this particular chore advance from a once-a-day activity to a twice-a-day activity. He doesn't seem to mind!