My Inner Control Freak

Working outside the home full time has required that I "let some things go," so to speak. It is simply impossible to maintain the kind of organization and tidiness that my heart desires when our schedule often requires that we zip out the door by 7:15 in the morning and return, most evenings, some time after 7. Dinner, laundry, homework, some amount of quality family time, my own job requirements... all that must come before acting on my urge to straighten the shoes that have been deserted on the door mat- I've trained those boys, but not well enough that they bother to straighten their kicked-aside shoes! It really is an uncontrollable urge that I have, there's no other way to describe it. I'm not ashamed to admit it, and I have taken a great deal of teasing and endured several cruel pranks because of it. No matter. It's a desire for orderliness that I have attempted to manage with medication, but after gaining 10 pounds and hosting a 4th of July party for 30 people and spacing-out on purchasing the required paper products... I decided chemical regulation wasn't worth it! OCD? I don't know. Maybe to a degree. But I really think it just comes from a desire to control something. When so much of my life spins out in the dust while I watch from the window (figuratively speaking ...for the most part!), I get a sense of calmness when what IS within my control, is controlled! Does that make sense? Ugh. Anyway, teaching full time, managing a busy family, and being married to a man who continues to work harder and longer as the years pass us by, has made it physically impossible for me to maintain much order in this house. Delegating the towel folding means they aren't all going to be folded and stacked exactly the same way and, therefore, will likely fall on the head of the person who opens the linen closet , delegating the dishwasher emptying means my spatulas might end up in the basket by the cooktop rather than their specific cubby in the drawer, delegating household chores means there will still be crumbs on the floor and dust on half of the television screen. However, it also means our time is managed more efficiently so we have time for the more important things. And... everyone learns to respect the "household" (and may even think twice before throwing that *clean* sweatshirt that is on the bedroom floor into the laundry basket if they realize they'll just be sorting, washing, folding and putting it away later). My husband graciously treats me to a housekeeper who cleans, shines, and polishes her way through the house on a weekly basis- and for this, I am eternally grateful! Christmas Vacation, however, is one time when I give my Inner Control Freak 2 days to go crazy. Broken toys are tossed and clothing and other items distributed to thrift shops. 20 Hefty bags flung into the back of a truck and 3 trips to Palouse Industries later.... my Inner Control Freak is satisfied and I am basking in the glow of the labelled bins with the appropriate contents, organized closets, and baskets of freshly "Lysol-ed and batteried" toys! Some of the organization will last all year, some will last until morning... but for now, I am a happy woman! Tomorrow, I'm back to work to prepare for the start of school on Monday... back to delegating the chores and smiling when I find my kitchen shears in the desk drawer!

Summer shoes are in the basement, winter shoes have taken their place in the closet!

50 pair of hand-me-down Wranglers, labeled with sizes and stored away!

Welcome home, spatulas!

"Broken down" machinery has been hauled away and everything is back in its respective "shed!"

All is right again in with my spice rack... Mustard BEFORE Nutmeg, of course!

...weathering the storm

We had record winds in our area last night, so today, I am thankful we still have shingles on the roof and that the last of my leaves blew to Albion! At 60+ mph, the winds, rain, and lightening created quite a racket! Amazingly, the boys all slept peacefully through the storm. I can't say the same for Dennis, the dogs, and me-- we woke to what sounded like marbles hitting our windows-- so it was a short night in our house. With the sunrise we learned we had come through ok-- the buried trampoline remained intact, no big limbs (or trees) fell in our yard, or more importantly on our house!, and we stayed warm and "illuminated" since our power only flickered a few times. Our only signs of major damage are 2 ruined grain bins-- one that was ripped off its foundation and went airborne, landing in the ditch along the highway, and another that was blown over but still attached to the foundation. Thankfully, no one was hurt as the result of that incident, and Dennis learned his pickup can pull a sideways grain bin down the road! So today, we are thankful for weathering another storm! ...And thankful that we are experiencing much quieter conditions tonight!

...Monday

Today's note of Thanksgiving is simple for me... I'm thankful there are Mondays so I can best appreciate Fridays! It was "one of those days" for me, and I'm not complaining-- but appreciating the fact that today is over and Friday is just 4 sleeps away!

...clean closets and drawers

Today I am thankful for the simple fact that Tyler and Brett's closets and drawers are, for the moment, organized! I swear we just went through everything before school started! How is it that in 3 months, they generated 2 bags of clothes that will now find new homes thanks to Palouse Industries Thrift Shop?! They are both growing out of things faster than they are wearing them out. So for today, I'm thankful that they're drawers are closing easily, their shirts are hanging according to color and sleeve-length (yes, I'm weird about that!), and all holey underwear and socks have left the premises!

...to be a CoUg!

Fight, fight, fight for Washington State!!...

Well, they did it. It was the "upset" of the day and what fans (coaches and players,too, I'm sure) have been waiting all season for. The Cougs beat Oregon State 31-14! Guess that's what happens when you show up to play from the first hike of the ball! To quote a newspaper article I read this morning, "our guys were on the right side of a butt-kicking, no luck involved!"

Woo Hoo!! I'm thankful to be a COUG!

...frienship

Today, I am thankful for my friendships that weather the many storms of life! A people pleas er, I shy away from conflict, I will assume responsibility for my actions, and I am uncomfortable with the thought of disappointing people. However, I have learned that conflict has its place, I shouldn't always shoulder the blame or responsibility as it's okay to hold others up to the same standards I hold myself, and no matter what I do- I will disappoint people along the way, that's just the way the cookie crumbles. What I have also learned, tho, is that as long as I am true to myself and honest with those around me, those who love me best will never stray. I've lost some close friends over the years, particularly these last few years, and I am not even entirely sure what I did "wrong." What I do know, however, is that sometimes I have to accept that there is nothing I can do to change a person's opinion. Sometimes, I can't even defend myself because sometimes, others don't want to hear what I have to say.

I have the best friends a girl could ask for. Friends that understand that I'm tired on Friday nights, that I don't like leaving my kids with babysitters very often, that I can't leave Kacy with just "anyone," that my husband works harder than most anyone I know- and trying to balance a marriage, family life, and faith doesn't leave much room for socializing, and that when I get the chance to finally stay home-- that's my preference and it's pretty hard to talk myself into anything else. My friends understand this. I figured this out a few years back-- I will be the best friend I can be while trying to maintain a balance. My friends have to be the kind that know that I adore them -- even if it's been weeks or even months since we had time together. Picking up where we left off, without awkwardness or feeling resentful, is top priority! So through all the challenges, what God has been doing is allowing me to sift through my acquaintances and find the gems that I call my best friends. Girls-- I love ya'! Thanks for being the diamonds in my sky!

...Veteran's Day

I am thankful for those who are braver than I and protect our freedoms! God bless you, Veterans, past and present.

...CMA Award Show!

I am thankful for the CMA Award Show on television tonight. I am thankful that we have the most comfortable couch we could find sitting in our living room. I am thankful that after losing nearly 50 pounds over the course of a year, my favorite sweats still fit if I cinch the tie up real good. I am thankful for a chance to relax, be comfortable and be entertained! Take me away, Brad & Carrie!

...blindside

Well.... just yesterday I was posting how thankful I was for this week of parent-teacher conferences. I was anticipating opportunities to reach parents and discuss concerns, hopes, goals, and have a purposeful exchange that would leave the parents and myself feeling positive about the direction in which we are headed. These conferences can be stressful and tense because sometimes you are telling parents things they don't want to hear. But usually, in my brief 6 years of experience, even stressful conferences end with positive thoughts and plans for working together for the benefit and success of the student.

I had 20 conferences in 2 days. 19 of them were productive, positive, and left me feeling like I was going to be able to really help some students who are struggling not only academically, but personally as well. But there was one BLINDSIDE...

I knew it was going to be an assassination when the parents walked into my room and kicked out the wooden block that holds the door open. Things unfolded at such a rapid rate, it was all I could do just to maintain composure. Thirty minutes later, the couple left. They had double-teamed me with accusations of unfair grading practices, doubting my qualifications, questioning my assignment choices, accussing me of refusing to meet and discuss a missing assignment with their child, and excusing their students' poor work as a direct result of being bored in my class. They were asking questions that caught me completely off guard and as I tried to remain calm and compose an answer, they would lose patience and at one time even said they "don't have time for me to explain as they have a babysitter who was about to turn into a pumpkin" (yeah, being "cute" wasn't cute at this point...). I was proud of myself for not crying, not buckling, not making excuses or admitting to making mistakes that I really didn't believe were mistakes. I was rattled, definitely. But I think what hurt the most, was that this was a couple who has gone out of their way to be friendly in the past. They've been supportive and encouraging. They are christians who make their christianity very public. So while my feelings were really hurt by all that they said and did, I was just as upset by the fact that they let me down. These parents that seem to care so much about humanity and make public displays of charity-- an unexpected element of their character showed through and I was extremely disappointed. What makes people like this become bullies? What makes people like this think it's okay to treat others the way that they did? There were so many other ways their concerns could have been addressed. Why did they feel the need to blindside me?

So, in spite of having a good cry after they left my classroom, not sleeping very well that night, and waking up the next morning hearing their words of frustration, anger, and accusations play over and over and over in my head... there were several things that came to mind as blessings. I am thankful for a supportive principal who explained to these parents that he has absolutely no concerns about my teaching ability, grading practices, or any instructional decisions I make in the classroom. I am thankful he didn't believe their accusation of my refusal to meet with their student. I am thankful for my assistant principal that told me I don't have to take that kind of treatment from parents and literally gave me the words to say if I ever find myself in that kind of situation again. I am thankful for my co-workers that reminded me of the fact in 6 years and hundreds and hundreds of students, this is the only set of parents that has felt I'm doing a poor job (or expressed it, anyway!). I am thankful for Mark & Lori Brown who had to follow that conference. I'm thankful for Lori's hug, their understading, and for giving me a minute to dry my eyes and regain some composure. I am thankful for Brett and the fact that I had to pull myself together to get to his student-led conference- at which he did such a good job sharing his progress, goals, and explaining what he's doing in fifth grade. I am thankful for Dennis and the hug I received, the supportive words he gave me, and the date he's taking me on Saturday night. I am thankful for my mother and the prayers she said for me after Dennis shared with her what had happened. I am thankful for my god who heals hearts that are hurting and egos that are bruised. Yes, thanks to the blindside, I have found new things for which to be thankful- things I didn't realize were there.

...conference week

It's conference week!

I am thankful for the opporutnity to meet with so many of the parents that allow me the priviledge of teaching their children. This week provides insight, affords me so much understanding, and is an opportunity to connect with parents and learn more about my students. Frankly, you'd be amazed at how much we learn after a mere 20 minutes with the parents! In most cases, it really explains why kids are the way they are! This year, a big adjustment for me is having nearly 150 students walk through my door on a daily basis. As someone who tries to connect with each student each day, the increase in student numbers is challenging me! So I am thankful for the opportunities this conference week provides!

...the work we got done!

We worked in the yard yesterday afternoon and well past sundown. As a matter of fact, the last hour and a half of leaf pick-up and mowing were done in the dark-- thank goodness John Deere had the sense to put working headlights on their lawn mowers! By 7:30, every leaf had been raked onto sheets, piled onto a trailer, hauled down the road and dumped into the burn pile. The grass had been trimmed to a neat 2.5 inches and we treated ourselves to New Garden! Upon waking this morning, we all groaned a bit as we noticed the scene that had "fallen" during the night. The rain and wind took a toll on the leaves that had been hanging onto those branches for dear life. Tyler even said, "Well, we finished in the dark-- maybe we really didn't get done what we thought we had!" Oh well... I can say I'm thankful we got done what we did when we did. It'll make next weekend's raking, mowing, and hauling less work, right?!

...a healthy family

Saturday.... Ahh, what healing powers there are in a good night's sleep! Today, at this moment anyway, there are no hacking coughs, no runny noses, no barf, not even a headache, so I am thankful for a healthy family! The fireplace is on, Toy Story 3 is playing, and the sound of Brett & Kacy's laughter coming from the living room is music to my ears! Tyler is in the shop helping Dennis winterize equipment and prepare the combine for its annual overhaul next week. He loves days like this and he was up and going before Dennis had even crawled out of bed! ...I am enjoying this moment for reflection and letting the grading, laundry, and vaccuum rest for a bit. Thankful, so thankful, for healed bodies, spirits, and minds!

...my future sister-in-law

Friday.... Today I am thankful for my future sister-in-law, Rina. She is beautiful inside and out! She brings so much to our family- and I continually learn from her and the down-to-earth perspective she brings to challenging situations. Love ya', Rina!

...the latte fairy

Thursday... The latte fairy left me a surprise this morning! After a rocky start to the day and, I admit, getting to work a few minutes late- I was thrilled to find a latte waiting for me on my desk at school! Skinny vanilla-- my favorite! It provided me a few moments of bliss- which I will credit for getting me through my morning that was filled with dress code violators, potty-mouths, bullies, and late assignments. Thank you, Latte Fairy-- I owe ya'!

...the Methodist Turkey Dinner

Well... I gobbled 'til I wobbled. The LaCrosse Methodist turkey dinner is an annual tradition that we all look forward to! Granny buys our tickets-- isn't that nice?! The only thing that would be better is if she felt up to joining us! We all but licked our plates clean-- Brett is feeling better so he enjoyed the gravy-drenched turkey and rolls (not a potato kid), Tyler ate his plate and most of Kacy's plate and cousin Ashtyn's turkey. Kacy discovered a fondess for pumpkin pie, Dennis was happy to have a real, home-cooked meal, and I didn't have to cook tonight! It was a fun evening with family and friends! So today I am thankful for the Methodist Church Turkey Dinner. Now excuse me... I believe the tryptophan is kicking in!

...my "real" job

I had an unexpected day off today... an opportunity to do my "real" job, my favorite job-- that of a mother. Unfortunately, Brett has had the stomach flu, but fortunately, it gave us a day together- we watched "Shiloh" and some old "Veggie Tales" while snuggling on the couch (and occassionally running to the bathroom to be sick-- poor kid). But I AM THANKFUL FOR today, for the chance to "hold" my boy, take care of him, and forget about how much homework he was going to have and how much I have waiting for me after leaving students in the hands of a substitute teacher. Nope. Not going there right now. We will worry about that stuff tomorrow... right now, I'm going to lie down next to my boy and say a prayer that he has a restful night and wakes in the morning feeling better.

...early to bed

Wow... here I am. Over a year later since I last posted. Blogger has changed their formatting manner since I last visited so in my attempts to "spruce up" the old blog, I've made a bit of an unsightly mess. I will save the adjusting for another night when the clock doesn't read "too long past my bedtime." Anyway... yes, I'm back. It's not that the events of the past year have been too mundane to record-- life has been filled with triumphs, dispair, frustrations, celebrations, and fortunately, only 1 hospital stay to fix, for a third time, Kacy's eyes. (Which seems to have worked, by the way! His eyes are working together better than they ever have! Yippee!) It's quite the opposite, really. This busy pace of life doesn't seem to be slowing, so I am making myself a promise. Each day this month, I will post a note of Thanksgiving- taking pause to reflect and refocus myself, for even a few minutes, on what blessings have been bestowed upon me from the hand of my creator. Tis the season for giving thanks...

Today, I am thankful that my children were safe and warm in their beds, sound asleep before 9 pm. I cannot remember the last time this happened! Due to afterschool activities, dinner is usually served around 8, followed by homework, showers and a bit of winding down before bed at 9:30 or 10:00-- much too late for growing boys! So what a blessing to have chores done, homework finished, stomachs full and resting peacefully! So thankful for a good night's rest! Now... my turn to get some zzz's...